Words that would make for great baby names

Right now we exist in a strange time period where people are deciding to name their children the most non-name names I’ve ever heard. I’m very ashamed to say I’ve met an equal number of people ending in “eigh” as ending in “ey.” 

If we’re going to be ridiculous, why aren’t we going all the way? There are already beautiful words after which you can name your child. Stop making them up. And if we’re creating meaning out of names, why not reclaim beautiful words for not-so-beautiful objects?

Without further ado: Words that I think we should normalize as human names

• 1. Thimblerigger. 

In complete transparency, I discovered this word in my attempt to find interesting words. Since then (30 minutes ago), it has taken the high throne as my favorite word. In that same logic, it should be YOUR favorite word too, and why not name hopefully your favorite person after your favorite word?

• 2. Crumpet

As much as I hate to give the British credit for anything, this is a pretty decent accomplishment. The exact child that comes to mind here is short, sweet, and (obviously) British. Perhaps an orphan who’s made a better life for themself. If my child didn’t live up to those exact standards, I would probably change the name to Travis.

• 3. Brunch

This kid is the opposite of Crumpet, A really mean British orphan. I imagine they would only speak in grunts and have the worst intentions. This is exactly the type of character you need to bring comic relief to your future household.

• 4. Bradley 

Honestly, I'm not too sure about this one. It seems viciously Italian, but I think it would be worth a shot. They could make for a great radio station manager 

• 5. Rosacea 

Throwing this one in there for the time I was at a party, said I had rosacea, and three strangers proceeded to tell me that it sounded made up. As the perfect revenge, I’m pleading with you to name your child Rosacea so those three strangers have to repeatedly hear this name.