Spring: A Soft Rebellion

I always want the ones I cannot have

I ache for them so violently

it devours me

and I welcome it.

The impracticality of my desires does not deter me.

A sort of masochism

I do not dare abandon.

This devotion to suffering

is all I know.

I settle into this self-induced purgatory

and tell myself that fantasy is better than reality.

The truth is, wanting those who are impossible for me to grasp

guarantees I will never experience loss.

I have lived a thousand lives inside my head

none of which I've had the courage to pursue.

If only I was more honest, I wouldn't be living with so many regrets.

All it takes is a little vulnerability.

Since when have I cared if it hurts?

April's fool

They say April showers bring May flowers.

I am still waiting to bloom

and have been for years.

That which knows my hunger best

leaves me famished.

Greedy, grubby fingers

clutching for a semblance of warmth.

I am cold and a fire is a fire.

My life is going to change,

I can feel it.

Once again, it is spring

and the only joke is on me.