PSA: I’m In Love With A Serial Killer

Jack Ohmer | Posted on April 04, 2019

The shrink wrap prank works better on your friends’ cars rather than their face

I think I’ve finally met the true love of my life; his name is Dexter Morgan – a Sociopathic, Forensic Specialist Orphan who brutally murders people on the side for pleasure… and I thought that Christian Bale in American Psycho was a monster…

While deep into the latest episode of the Jack Ohmer Sunday Scaries, mourning over my busted March Madness bracket, I decided to get out of my mind and into that of an even more sick and twisted individual. Although I’ve always known that the show, “Dexter” existed, but I never knew just how much I could get into it. I mean, how could anyone want to watch a TV show that takes you through the mind of a fictional cuckoo head? Better yet, how could anyone enjoy watching multiple humans being slaughtered in almost every episode? Even more crazy, how could anyone want to watch multiple seasons of the same underlying plot? Well, after pulling an all nighter and watching the entire first season (12 episodes) I can finally say that I’m not wrong about most things, but I was dead wrong about Dexter.

I won’t give away any real spoilers that stray away from the basic outline of the show, but I will say that this show literally makes you think about what it would be like to kill a person, and that’s some next level scary… like, “maybe I should look myself in the mirror and reevaluate my life” scary. It’s odd to think that any human is capable of doing such a thing, but obviously we don’t live in a perfect world. Now, before anyone reports me to the police, I must clarify that Dexter only kills people that have committed (and continue to commit) heinous crimes including, but not limited to, murder and rape. During his early years, Dexter develops an urge to kill as a result of a traumatic past.

While his foster father understands that Dexter is f***** in the head, he understands that Dexter’s cravings are only going to continue to grow in the future. Throughout Dexter’s adolescent years, his foster father teaches him a sort of “killing code” that follows this GIST – “Only kill people who deserve to be killed for the greater good of humanity”. I mean wow, my dad won’t even play catch with me in the backyard let alone let me hurt another human being. Sad right? Don’t worry, I’m fine… So, if you’re looking to question the morality of every stranger that you pass on the street now, start this show as ASAP as possible. You will not be disappointed.