Photos for me

I didn’t take these photos with the intention of showing them to anyone.

They definitely weren’t taken to be shared as a blog. I’m not a photographer, and there isn’t something special about these photos besides that they were taken. Taken at this weird period in my life, a time period that I can tell I will look back on and want to relive, to experience again while fully taking it in so maybe I would remember it all. A time that I wish, maybe, I was at least a little bit more alive for. The fact that they happened makes me feel a lot of ways that I can’t really describe now.

Most of these are just photos I took while walking. When I walk, I listen to music and think. The music makes me realize how I feel or how I should feel a lot of the time. Looking back at these photos reminds me of all those feelings I’ve had.

A lot of people were just at my apartment apartment. They probably don’t know how much it means to me that they were here. I want to get to a point where I stop making myself question if people see me positively. I do know, though, that it felt like people really did want to be here tonight. It’s not something I’ve felt for a while for most people, not because of how people act but just because I question things so much. It’s indescribable.

As school is winding down and people are going back home, I might not see a lot of people for a while, or at least I won’t have an excuse to see people every week. It’s a bitter-sweet feeling. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve missed living parts of my life the way I should have. I’ve just tried to trudge through them when I could have actually lived them. But now I feel like I’m in a time of my life that I’ll look back on and I’ll miss. I’ll miss the times I had, but hopefully, the people will still be here. I can’t describe how I feel, but I guess I feel I am alive.

It’s a scary thing being honest, and sometimes I feel like maybe I’m being more honest than I should be. Part of me hopes that people I know won’t ever see these thoughts, but I don’t often get the chance to fully sit down and actually try to express what I think. It feels good. I hope that people around me feel appreciated, that’s all.