My biggest fear fixed my life

Anybody who calls me a friend will know that so much of my perspective on the world is influenced by my crippling fear of the end.

I'm not necessarily afraid of death itself. Rather, I am deeply horrified by the fact that it defines one extreme of the finite period we call existence. But I've learned to use this fear to my advantage: it has become so overpowering and omnipresent in my life that all other fears pale in comparison.

Perhaps what amplifies that fear is the fact that I don't know when I will die. Maybe medical and scientific advances will allow me to live to the age of 150; or, I could lose my life in a car accident tomorrow. This fear extends to those around me; I can't know when or how my loved ones or friends will leave this world forever.

So for me, this isn't necessarily a rediscovery of "you only live once" (after all, I believe in reincarnation). It's less about being motivated by opportunity, curiosity, or "making the most of things." Rather, it's more about urgency. It's my antidote to procrastination—especially around personal goals I'm truly motivated to achieve.

I've learned that I need to start being present, before my ability to be conscious vanishes from the universe. To manage my time more wisely, before I regret wasting it on things that don't fulfill me. To stop waiting to start things, because what if I don't wake up tomorrow and never get to do what I wanted to do?

This fear does not rule my life; rather, it guides my decision-making. It's helped me clarify my goals, discover the value of time and relationships, and design my life to serve my true interests and passions. And I feel a bit more alive because of it.