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By Jack Ohmer
Leave Robert Kraft and The New England Patriots Alone
I thought that football was done for a little bit, but apparently it’s back and spicier than ever. In recent news, Roger Goodell has found yet another way to bully the beloved New England Patriots after their unsurprising Super Bowl victory.
Last Friday, Robert Kraft, the 77 year-old billionaire owner of the New England Patriots, was caught up in a rub n tug scandal in Jupiter, Florida. Thankfully, Tiger Woods was not a part of this. Orchids of Asia, the strip mall day spa involved, was (allegedly) massaging certain body parts in exchange for extra cash under the table. The police reported that they obtained a video of Kraft “receiving sexual acts” as well, however, nothing has been released following the statement. Kraft has been indicted on two accounts of soliciting prostitution and also faces charges of human trafficking pending further investigation on the case.
This is an absolute outrage. I’m sick and tired of the Patriots being put under a microscope 24/7 because they’re a consistently dominant franchise. First it’s Tom Brady (allegedly) deflating footballs, now this? Goodell really can’t let them win can he? This just seems very unfair. How bad is it for a man to want to get a happy ending? It’s only natural. There are many positives to this as well, including:
Released sexual tension
Reduced stress
Improved sleep
Improved self-esteem/body image
Relieved menstrual cramps and muscle tension
Strengthened muscle tone in the pelvic and anal areas
Seems to me like Kraft was only trying to de-stress while getting a slight workout in in his old age. If anything, he was most likely still recovering from the Super Bowl celebrations. Too many rings can wear a man out over the years. I don’t know what woman wouldn’t want him, but to each their own I guess. And what’s so bad about it when the woman (or man) is consenting? That’s even better. Sounds legal enough to me. I can’t help but smile at this situation. It seems as if Goodell is a three year-old child kicking and screaming because he isn’t getting his way. It’s cute. You can’t help but believe that at the end of the day Kraft and the Patriots will get away with this too and I’m fine with that.
Pro tip: Groupon has some great discounts on hour-long massages.
Leave Robert Kraft and The New England Patriots Alone
I thought that football was done for a little bit but apparently it’s back and spicier than ever. In recent news, Roger Goodell has found yet another way to bully the beloved New England Patriots after their unsurprising Super Bowl victory.
Last Friday, Robert Kraft, the 77 year-old billionaire owner of the New England Patriots, was caught up in a rub n tug scandal in Jupiter, Florida. Thankfully, Tiger Woods was not a part of this. Orchids of Asia, the strip mall day spa involved, was (allegedly) massaging certain body parts in exchange for extra cash under the table. The police reported that they obtained a video of Kraft “receiving sexual acts” as well, however, nothing has been released following the statement. Kraft has been indicted on two accounts of soliciting prostitution and also faces charges of human trafficking pending further investigation on the case.
This is an absolute outrage. I’m sick and tired of the Patriots being put under a microscope 24/7 because they’re a consistently dominant franchise. First it’s Tom Brady (allegedly) deflating footballs, now this? Goodell really can’t let them win can he? This just seems very unfair. How bad is it for a man to want to get a happy ending? It’s only natural. There are many positives to this as well, including:
Released sexual tension
Reduced stress
Improved sleep
Improved self-esteem/body image
Relieved menstrual cramps and muscle tension
Strengthened muscle tone in the pelvic and anal areas
Seems to me like Kraft was only trying to destress while getting a slight workout in in his old age. If anything he was most likely still recovering from the Super Bowl celebrations. Too many rings can wear a man out over the years. I don’t know what woman wouldn’t want him but to each their own I guess. And what’s so bad about it when the woman (or man) is consenting? That’s even better. Sounds legal enough to me. I can’t help but smile at this situation. It seems as if Goodell is a three year-old child kicking and screaming because he isn’t getting his way. It’s cute. You can’t help but believe that at the end of the day Kraft and the Patriots will get away with this too and I’m fine with that.
Pro tip: Groupon has some great discounts on hour-long massages.
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