I love Love

Hi everyone, happy Week of Love!

This is easily the most personal thing I have ever shared but also kind of just a ramble but I needed to get out:

Although 2025 has not been going on long it has been a really impactful year so far. I am learning so many things I really didn't think I would be. From New Years Eve until now my life has, to an extent, changed so much in so many ways, and has taught me so much about myself. Specifically about Love.

I have always liked love, as a kid I knew I wanted it, needed it. As a pre-teen I got scared and distant of it due to those around me. But, as a teenager it was something I grew accustomed to. And that was not without ups and downs. It was such a valuable experience but not something I would wish on others. At the same time I know I would not be who I am now without it. And once it ended I found myself right back in it all. And then without.

Every day I can feel myself growing. Changing from this anxious person, terrified of the loss of "my" person, but also terrified of calling them that, even just in my head. I was so accustomed to not just thinking for one person, but two. Not considering myself, but an us. It was something I grew up with. And while I had a life outside of these relationships, it felt like all of me wasn't there without them.

2025 has been a whirlwind, of loss, but growth. Learning to love being alone, something I was so incredibly scared of. Even just being home alone has completely changed. Truly being ok with being alone, not having a consistent text notification on my phone, not considering someone else's response.

Not to say I do not value these relationships and experiences, I truly do and I would not trade them for the world. Love given is never a waste.

But this newfound solitude is freeing in a way I have never considered.

Something I have learned in this time is forgiveness. As many can relate, there have been many people and situations that have hurt me. They easily impact me to this day, leaving me wishing I got one last word in, wishing I left earlier, wishing I never met them, etc. But I have been in the process of forgiving. Not excusing their actions or undermining how anything impacted me, but moving forward. I may never want to speak to you or see you again but I forgive you. Not for your sake, but mine.

I forgive you.

But one of the biggest things, if not the biggest, that I have realized is how much I love Love. And how much love I have to give. I truly and completely love everything around me, and everyone.

I love my apartment, my room has so much intent put into it and my living room/kitchen is so comfortable and truly feels like home. After a tiring day I want to come back and go home to my roommate and just exist with them.

I love school and the classes I have chosen. While starting my work is never fun I fall in love with what I read and do for them, with my teachers and their passion and quirks, even the campus and the history behind the brutalist architecture. Although it is not my favorite I adore the uniqueness and importance behind a collage campus being in this near extinct style.

I love UIC Radio. And no I am not just saying that for brownie points, but truly it is an outlet, and while it can and does definitely still feel like a job, Eboard has been something I look forward to, with people I adore and I am so hopeful and excited for what comes next.

I love people so much. As much as I do not understand so many people out there, including those who have been in my life and no longer are, I am filled with so much love for them. The random people I pass by on the street give me so much joy, whether it's someone on their way to work looking very out together, a happy couple (younger or old) who are simply so in love, a group of friends who are near annoyingly loud, someone taking their dog on a quick walk, etc. Literally basically anyone. Ofc there are exceptions but that's not what this is about.

I love the nature around me. I live right by a park and I love seeing the field covered in snow, hearing the birds chirping, there's even a mouse who lives in the alley that warms my heart. Everything is so incredibly alive.

I love my family. My little brother has recently become one of the people I send the most Instagram posts to and I wouldn't have it any other way. The older I get the closer I feel with all of them. I see my parents in myself, whether that's my music or my behavior, there are times it kind of scares me, but I am so thankful. For them, and for the parts of them I see in myself. I give them credit for my love of parties too, and I can't wait to share it with them.

I could go on and on and on, but a huge one is:

I love my friends. Truly I have never felt more connected to people than those I am around now, and it is an incredible experience. I've noticed myself sending more random texts, putting myself in more conversations and phone calls, saying yes to every opportunity, and it is something I never want to change. I have so much love for my friends I need it to seep out of me so that they know without a doubt how loved they are.

And I am trying to love myself. It sounds so cheesy but it's true. It is one of the hardest things for a person to do because only you get to experience you all of the time, and so not only do you witness the good, but also all of the bad. You get accustomed to your appearance, your mannerisms, your jokes, even your passions, and so you are suck, taking for granted your uniqueness. Until you get a new and different perspective.

January was an awful month. It seems like every year I discover a new low, but also a new high. Not really a new me but a changed me. But I made a pact with someone to grow and keep bettering myself, and I hope I keep growing.

I truly love everything.

I love Love,

And I think everyone should too