Colors 💙

During this semester's UIC Radio Retreat, we participated in a color personality test, and I discovered that I am Blue. Being Blue means I am enthusiastic, sympathetic, warm, communicative, imaginative, emotional, and much more! Honestly, all of us who identified as Blue were proud of it because that truly represents who we are. Interestingly, throughout the group discussions, the only thing I could think of was the song "Colors" by Halsey. Sometimes, I question whether people stopped loving me because I was Blue. Was I too different? too emotional?

(Image Credit: Pinterest)

I know Halsey wrote this song about Matty Healy but here is what I think of it.

"Your little brother never tells you, but he loves you so

You said your mother only smiled on her TV show."

Being the oldest in my family, it's always felt like my job to be the one throwing the love around. I'm always putting out that 'blue' – trying to be the bright, connecting color. My brother, being a teenage boy, is still figuring out his own colors, I guess, because showing emotions to me or my parents is like pulling teeth. But being that constant 'blue' can honestly drain you sometimes. It's like, I'm always the one trying to paint a happy picture for my brother or make my parents proud. And with my brown parents, it often feels like their eyes are only drawn to one color, "academic success". Like everything else I do, all those other little wins, just kind of fade into the background.

"You were red, and you liked me because I was blue

But you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky

Then you decided purple just wasn't for you"

They say red and blue make a good match because they're so different. Red brings the spark, the quick moves, and blue offers the calm, the thoughtful approach. You'd think that could create a beautiful harmony, a balanced relationship where each appreciates what the other offers. But sometimes, those opposites don't just balance; they try to reshape each other. And that's where I struggle. I'm a natural people-pleaser, so I often find myself absorbing the qualities of those I care about, becoming that blend, that "lilac" version of myself for them. But the irony is, the moment I'm not just my original color anymore, they seem to lose interest in the "new" colors I've become.