Am I stupid?

I am using this blog post as an excuse to share one of my most listened-to songs of this year. “Imposter Syndrome” by Sidney Gish was originally released in 2017 on her sophomore album No Dogs Allowed (which is fantastic, by the way). The lyrics bring up something that I have felt for a long time but to a much higher degree in recent weeks.

Every other day I’m wondering

‘What’s a human being gotta be like?

What’s a way to just be competent?'

I struggle with this lingering feeling that I am totally incompetent. At everything. This week has been a cycle of wasting time scrolling through YouTube and Instagram, trying to suppress the negative emotions I feel, only to result in me feeling more of the negative emotions, causing me to scroll more, and so on. Despite falling behind in my classes, I can never spend more than a couple of hours actually working on catching up. I procrastinate on my writing assignments (including this blog post) because I feel like nothing I produce is good enough. Even though I know that “good enough” is a construction of my mind and the only way I can get better is by trying and sometimes failing.

Even now, I am insecure that I don’t have enough words to fill out a proper blog post. I am worried that nothing I say makes any sense at all.