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A laundry list of what to do during your winter break

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(Above: not shredding the gnar.)

So, the 2017 fall semester is coming to an end. Many of us call Chicago home, while a good group of UIC students think that they are from Chicago but are really from the suburbs (such as myself).

After spending about four months at UIC, it is definitely nice to take a break and come home for the holidays to spend time with family and friends. Winter break officially begins on December 16th, 2017 and ends on January 16th, 2018. You might have some apprehension regarding not knowing what to do during break.

As do I.

Because humans really like to read lists, I have compiled a few things that will hold you over until the spring semester.

1. Get a job, you lazy bum. I recommend the seasonal positions for Mobile Sales Consultants at Best Buy, Cart Attendants at Target, or even working for the Pavilion at UIC. Maybe even sign up to be a lifeguard at your local outdoor waterpark.

2. Go snowboarding and SHRED THE GNAR!!!

3. Christmas caroling around the neighborhood. My favorite song to sing is “Mele Kalikimaka”, which accompanies my ukulele playing and a door shutting on my face.

4. Get your friends together and separate in teams. Make opposing snowforts and have a huge snowball fight to see who can take the other team’s base. After capturing the enemy fort, destroy it and watch them lament at your destructive tendencies.

5. Go make someone’s day and volunteer.

6. Go skiing and do not shred the gnar.

7. Actually spend time with your family and friends.

8. Steal a bunch of decorative corncobs, grind them into cornmeal, and make moonshine. I would suggest going to a cornfield and stealing them there, but everything is harvested at this point. I recommend this website for moonshine instructions: https://www.hillbillystills.com/distilling-resources/how-to-make-moonshine-moonshine-recipes/

9. Celebrate the holidays; whichever one you prefer.

10. Go on a vacation where it is much warmer, and the locals do not have a word for such a thing called “snow”.

11. Go ice skating at Maggie Daley Park or elsewhere. Try not to get your fingers run over by a wayward ice skate.

12. Play street hockey with the neighborhood guys and gals.

13. Go Christmas shopping for your ungrateful family and your friends. I recommend the Chicago Premium Outlet Mall in Aurora, although parking is ridiculous sometimes.

14. “The Revenant” Challenge. Did you ever watch that Leonardo DiCaprio movie? Anyway, get one of your friends to drop you off miles away from your home, preferably in the middle of a snowy field somewhere. You cannot have your phone, and before your friends leave, they are free to give you one or ten punches to the body and face to simulate a bear attack. After this, you have to do your best to make it home while surviving the elements.

15. Just chill at home, away from UIC.

16. Go workout and avoid those holiday calories.

17. Attend numerous parties with your family and friends.

18. Hibernate for the long winter. Begin this ritual by purchasing 20 or more bags of Totino’s pizza rolls and MAKE ALL OF THEM. Start by eating as many as you can. When you think you had enough, keep eating. Pile in the pizza rolls as you build your fat intake to last the long sleep. Continue eating until you have finished ALL the pizza rolls. This may take a few hours if not a few days. Once this task has been completed, climb into your bed and start napping. If done correctly, you should awake as spring is just beginning, ready to hunt again.

19. Go winter camping and be a real mountain man.

20. Bring your girlfriend/boyfriend out on a nice date, like ice skating or sledding.

21. Netflix and Chill.

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